There. i have edited the chapter. if you still find any problem with it, let me know.
Chapter two
We rode the bike at city speed limits. I passed blunt directions to Adam via the microphones in our helmets and ground my teeth over the bike’s slow pace. It was excruciatingly painful to know that instead of enjoying a good run, I was stuck on a motorbike and traveling at a human pace! we ended up going to the outer limits of the city. The trees were starting to turn pretty colors of orange, red and brown. He realized that this ride was going to take awhile. So he started a conversation.
“How the hell did you get into the city, if you live all the way out here?” he spoke into the microphone.
“One of my sisters dropped me off at the library,” I said, “but I didn’t feel like waiting for her to pick me up, so I wandered around.”
“It isn’t safe to wander around alone, especially since there is a serial killer on the loose,” he said.
“I know, but I can handle myself,” I retorted. I can more then handle myself. He laughed. He had a deep, rich laugh.
“So, you have sisters,” he commented, trying to keep the conversation going. I nodded.
“Yes. Two sisters and two brothers,” I said, annoyed. Why did he want to know every little detail about me? I mean it not like he's going to mean something to me. He's a lower life form.
“Wow. Your parents have a hand full then. I'm lucky; I only have a little brother,” he stated. After that, we rode in silence for a while which I was grateful for; until he asked another question. Why couldn’t the damn human shut his mouth? And what with questions?
“Hey. What school do you go to?” he asked; I had to think for a moment.
“Woodcrest,” I replied, “Why?”
“Just wanted to know. Did you know that we go to the same school?” he asked, chuckling.
“Yeah, I know of you, but I have never met you. You are Adam Hart, son of Lucy and Hugh Hart. You are also the captain of the fencing team,” I stated. My Captian i thought. i was on the fencing too, he just never to interest in me; which was strange, seeing that he was taking interest in me now.
“Well hey, you seem to know about me, but I don’t know anything about you,” he said. Nor do I want you to I thought. He pulled onto a gravel road and stopped when we came upon a big gate. He turned off the bike and took off his helmet. I got off and took off mine.
“This is it?” he asked as he eyed the gate.
“Yep. Here,” I said as I held out the helmet to him. He took it and placed it behind him. “Thanks for the ride, even though you didn’t have to.”
“It’s the least I could do since my friends were being rude to you,” he said. I smiled. “ Will you be able to get in?” he pointed to the gate.
“Yeah,” I said as I pulled out a little, blue card from my back pocket. I walked up to a box and put the card in. I typed in the code and viola! The gate was open. Adam eyed the long drive.
“It still looks pretty far. Can I drive you up to the house?” he asked. Good try, but…nah I thought as I tried not to smile at him.
“Nah. I will be fine,” I said as I walked backwards past the gate. Once I was behind the gatepost, they started to close.
“Hey! I still don’t know you. I only know you by your first name,” he cried. I smiled and giggled like a little girl.
“You will find out the rest. Tomorrow at school,” I said as I continued walking backwards. He begrudgingly took that, as I wasn’t going to tell him anything more and put his helmet back on. He waved his hand and left. I about gagged as the exhaust fumes hit me. I waved in return before turning around and walking up to the house as the gate fully closed. From a distance you could see the beauty of my family’s house. It was two stories Victorian style home with a wrap around porch. Beside it was a garage that was just as big as the house.
As I walked up, I noticed someone sitting on the porch. Adelicia I thought. Adelicia was a petite young woman. She wore a black dress with black tights, which contrasted with her blond hair and blue eyes. I noticed that she had no shoes, so she wasn’t out there long.
“I knew someone would be on the porch, waiting for me, but I never thought it would be you,” I said as I walked up to the porch. She was sitting on the steps.
“Who was that?” she asked and stood up as I walked by her.
“Just some guy I met at my old place,” I answered as I opened the wooden door. We both walked inside. We were greeted with old house smell. It smelled musty, like the back of the closet with mothballsThe inside of the house looked modern and yet had a traditional felt to it. I could heard our feet shuffle against the hardwood floor. I took out my iPod and set it on the small table across from the closet. I took off my jacket, revealing my Paramore t-shirt. I opened the closet door, took out a hanger, and hung it up. I closed the closet door and I grabbed my iPod and went to the kitchen, with Adelicia trailing behind me.
“So, what is he? Your boyfriend?” she asked as she sat down on one of the stools. She leaned against the counter and peered at me.
“God, no!” I cried in surprise, “He’s human, for Pete’s sake, and I just met the guy.” She stared at me. I opened the fridge and got out the blood-wine, and then I opened the cabinet and got a glass. I poured some into it and put the bottle away back into the fridge.
“Where are the others?” I asked as I gulped the drink. I closed my eyes and sighed in joy as the fresh, cool liquid went slipped down my throat. I opened my eyes to see her shrug. I sipped at the drink, thinking.
“Oh, by the way. Landon says he wants to see you about something. Something with the council,” she said as she looked at me. What is it with staring at me? I thought. She looked like I had insulted her. Aren’t I allowed to look at you? Her voice entered my head.
“Yes, but you don’t do it this often,” I said as I looked at her with concern.
“I'm just worried about you, even though you are older than me,” she said, voicing her opinion on the situation.
“Why?” I asked in surprise.
“You know the rules and jazz. I just don’t want you to get involved with the human and have to pay the price for it,” she said.
“I know. Where is Landon? I might as well see what he wants,” I said as I shook my head. What does he want now?
“He is in the study,” she said, “I would be careful, he hasn’t had a good day.”
“Thanks for the warning.” I said as I walked away, taking my drink with me. With a sway of my hips, I went upstairs and walked the entire way back through the hallway. I knocked on the end door.
“Enter,” a deep voice said from the other side. I turned the knob and went in.
Topic locked at author's request.
End of chapter
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140,095 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi Mistress!
This chapter was was written so much better. Your grammar and punctuation improved tenfold. You were also using a slightly wider vocabulary and you managed to expand on your ideas a bit more.
However, while expanding your idea is a great thing to do when moving along the plot in a story, remember to add some of that description you've got! Your prologue and first chapter were a bit more descriptive than this, and I'm a little disappointed.
Explain her house more! It sounds beautiful...a Victorian style home with a wrap-around porch? Gorgeous! That idea already gives you plenty to work with.
Also explain the blood-wine some more. Give the audience insight into what it's like to be drinking blood! Is it thick? Does it have a rusty taste? Or is it sweet?
I want to see you give us a little more background info on Adelicia. She seems like an interesting new character, and you have a lot that you could tell us about her. Saving it for later, perhaps?
Overall, a good chapter. I can definitely see improvement!
Heyy there Night Mistress, here is your review, I hope it help you out =D
Overall Thoughts
This was a good chapter, but you just need to check your tenses and work on adding more description - the classic case of showing instead of telling. Apart from those two things, this was a good chapter, and I can't think of anything else for you to improve, so great job!!
I hope this review helped you out and keep writing!!
--Lucyy xx
thanks, but you do realize that this is the old version, right? i haven't reawrite this chapter yet, but it's on my to-do list for christmas day since every thing will be close.
All in All:
-give some more description
-work on your grammar
-you have improved!
Ah... the second chapter! Hmm... You made it too empty this time. I'll point out and give you examples. Here it goes:
1.
You take it too fast here. He realized that the ride will take a while and BOOM! he starts a conversation. Plus, you are using first person pronoun "I", "we". Even tho you are the writer you are as well a character. It's strange to say that "He realized that this ride was going to take a while" because you - the character - don't know what's in his mind.
Example: He started to shift in his seat. He was bored and from his movement I could tell that the ride will take a while. His voice boomed quickly in my ears as he spoke into the microphone. A flow of energy ran down my back like someone poured a bucket of hot water over me.
2.
You left a lot of space of description.
Example: After that, we rode in silence for which I was grateful for. The boredom and the pain in my back were the only things that actually made me hope of getting home. Another question sounded in my ears.
3.
You use the word "porch" too much.
4.
No need to make the action and the revers one : opens the fridge, take the bottle, puts the bottle back, closes the fridge. You could describe the action it self.
Example: I opened the fridge and got out the blood-wine, my hand clenching on the cold bottle. I turned and opened the cabinet searching for a glass. I poured the red liquid following its fall. I put it back on the raft and closed the fridge back hitting it with my heel.
5.
You can't actually speak while drinking.
______________________
The story : It`s well define and it runs quite smoothly. Try tho to take your time and add feelings and complex actions of the characters which will bring the reader closer to the story.
Pronouns using : You use a lot "I" especially in dialogues. If there are just two persons in the room there`s no point on giving explanation at every sentence. Surely you can give descriptions if that involves an action that depends or creates that story feeling.
Characters: Adam- Well the guy seems a little too "perfect". You can write the MC`s thought`s about him while the ride, the dialogue is going, like: Well you`re obsessed or what? Shut up for God`s sake. , Yawn, boy. The boredom got into you. Shut up!
Adelicia - roughly described and you describe only her clothes and the color of her eyes and hair. Not enough for giving me an image of her.
That`s all. If you have any questions about the review just PM. I know I can be a little wierd in reviewing. Luck!
-Akayl
There. i have edited the chapter. if you still find any problem with it, let me know.
Well done 
I like this paragraph so much more than the first chapter, seriously, this is much better 
He realized that this ride was going to take awhile. So he started a conversation.
i thought. i was on the fencing too, he just never to interest in me; which was strange, seeing that he was taking interest in me now.
This is so much better than the first chapter. Millions of times better, Your character development is going great, you can thank your dialogue for this and the details you are now including. The dialogue is well thought out. I congradulate you xD
Chapter two
We rode the bike at city speed limits. I passed blunt directions to Adam via the microphones in our helmets and ground my teeth over the bike’s slow pace. It was excruciatingly painful to know that instead of enjoying a good run, I was stuck on a motorbike and traveling at a human pace! we ended up going to the outer limits of the city. The trees were starting to turn pretty colors of orange, red and brown.Yes! You have some imagery in this chapter!
“How the hell did you get into the city, if you live all the way out here?” he spoke into the microphone.
“One of my sisters dropped me off at the library,” I said, “but I didn’t feel like waiting for her to pick me up, so I wandered around.”
“It isn’t safe to wander around alone, especially since there is a serial killer on the loose,” he said.
“I know, but I can handle myself,” I retorted. I can more then handle myself. He laughed. He had a deep, rich laugh.
“So, you have sisters,” he commented, trying to keep the conversation going. I nodded.
“Yes. Two sisters and two brothers,” I said, annoyed. Why did he want to know every little detail about me? I mean it not like he'sShould be: Why did he want to know every little detail about me? I mean, it wasn't like he was going to mean something to me. He was a lower life form. going to mean something to me. He's a lower life form.That bit was great, about the lower life form. That's what makes your characters well developed, having interesting details, quirks and random points of humour
“Wow. Your parents have a hand full then. I'm lucky; I only have a little brother,” he stated. After that, we rode in silence for a while which I was grateful for; until he asked another question. Why couldn’t the damn human shut his mouth? And what with questions?
“Hey. What school do you go to?” he asked; I had to think for a moment.
“Woodcrest,” I replied, “Why?”
“Just wanted to know. Did you know that we go to the same school?” he asked, chuckling.
“Yeah, I know of you, but I have never met you. You are Adam Hart, son of Lucy and Hugh Hart. You are also the captain of the fencing team,” I stated. My CaptianThis was just a tiny typo, you mean captain not captian, right?
“Well hey, you seem to know about me, but I don’t know anything about you,” he said. Nor do I want you to I thought. He pulled onto a gravel road and stopped when we came upon a big gate. He turned off the bike and took off his helmet. I got off and took off mine.
“This is it?” he asked as he eyed the gate.
“Yep. Here,” I said as I held out the helmet to him. He took it and placed it behind him. “Thanks for the ride, even though you didn’t have to.”
“It’s the least I could do since my friends were being rude to you,” he said. I smiled. “ Will you be able to get in?” he pointed to the gate.
“Yeah,” I said as I pulled out a little, blue card from my back pocket. I walked up to a box and put the card in. I typed in the code and viola! The gate was open. Adam eyed the long drive.
“It still looks pretty far. Can I drive you up to the house?” he asked. Good try, but…nah I thought as I tried not to smile at him.
“Nah. I will be fine,” I said as I walked backwards past the gate. Once I was behind the gatepost, they started to close.
“Hey! I still don’t know you. I only know you by your first name,” he cried. I smiled and giggled like a little girl.
“You will find out the rest. Tomorrow at school,” I said as I continued walking backwards. He begrudgingly took that, as I wasn’t going to tell him anything more and put his helmet back on. He waved his hand and left. I about gagged as the exhaust fumes hit me. I waved in return before turning around and walking up to the house as the gate fully closed. From a distance you could see the beauty of my family’s house. It was two stories Victorian style home with a wrap around porch. Beside it was a garage that was just as big as the house.
As I walked up, I noticed someone sitting on the porch. Adelicia I thought. Adelicia was a petite young woman. She wore a black dress with black tights, which contrasted with her blond hair and blue eyes. I noticed that she had no shoes, so she wasn’t out there long.
“I knew someone would be on the porch, waiting for me, but I never thought it would be you,” I said as I walked up to the porch. She was sitting on the steps.
“Who was that?” she asked and stood up as I walked by her.
“Just some guy I met at my old place,” I answered as I opened the wooden door. We both walked inside. We were greeted with old house smell. It smelled musty, like the back of the closet with mothballs The inside of the house looked modern and yet had a traditional feltJust another small typo, should be feel not felt. to it. I could heard our feet shuffle against the hardwood floor. I took out my iPod and set it on the small table across from the closet. I took off my jacket, revealing my Paramore t-shirt. I opened the closet door, took out a hanger, and hung it up. I closed the closet door and I grabbed my iPod and went to the kitchen, with Adelicia trailing behind me.
“So, what is he? Your boyfriend?” she asked as she sat down on one of the stools. She leaned against the counter and peered at me.
“God, no!” I cried in surprise, “He’s human, for Pete’s sake, and I just met the guy.” She stared at me. I opened the fridge and got out the blood-wine, and then I opened the cabinet and got a glass. I poured some into it and put the bottle away back into the fridge.
“Where are the others?” I asked as I gulped the drink. I closed my eyes and sighed in joy as the fresh, cool liquid went slipped down my throat. I opened my eyes to see her shrug. I sipped at the drink, thinking.
“Oh, by the way. Landon says he wants to see you about something. Something with the council,” she said as she looked at me. What is it with staring at me? I thought. She looked like I had insulted her. Aren’t I allowed to look at you? Her voice entered my head.
“Yes, but you don’t do it this often,” I said as I looked at her with concern.
“I'm just worried about you, even though you are older than me,” she said, voicing her opinion on the situation.
“Why?” I asked in surprise.
“You know the rules and jazz. I just don’t want you to get involved with the human and have to pay the price for it,” she said.
“I know. Where is Landon? I might as well see what he wants,” I said as I shook my head. What does he want now?
“He is in the study,” she said, “I would be careful, he hasn’t had a good day.”
“Thanks for the warning.” I said as I walked away, taking my drink with me. With a sway of my hips, I went upstairs and walked the entire way back through the hallway. I knocked on the end door.
“Enter,” a deep voice said from the other side. I turned the knob and went in.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou
Something even greater that you've done: it's not just a twilight remake. You have no idea how many people just rewrite twilight with different characters, but your's is totally different. It's less cliched and more interesting. I'm so glad that this chapter is good
Seriously though; this is much better than the last
-Kirsten xxx
Sheepy,shoo: thanks for reading the second chapter. i hope you will continue the story in chapter three.
you probably mean travelling
this is than
I would say, if you call him a "damn human" that nearly makes you see him as an animal (not exactly, but I can't describe it), so you would'nt call it him
captian = captain , i = I aso. And you wrote it so formally, maybe your character thinks like that, but one didn't really get that feeling before.
good work!!
-sheepy
This chapter was a lot smoother. I liked how it flowed. Very nicely done
All right, I had to point this out because I think I have mentioned this before. When you write, you have beautiful dialogue and thoughts and emotions. You do so well with that. But I think you need more details outside of those things. Take this sentence for example. You say the leaves are pretty. How are they pretty?? Just them being orange, red, and brown doesn’t really do anything for the reader. Try to expand on those little things. It will really help your story to grow.
This was the thing I was going to mention the last time I looked at this but forgot. The serial killer. You need to go into more detail about that. Who is he? Is he a vampire? How does Elizabeth know about it? The reader needs to know these things
Okay, this sentence is kind of choppy try something like: My Captain, I thought. I was also on the fencing team but he just never seemed to have any interest in me…which was strange. He was taking an interest in me now. Why doesn’t he recognize me? or something like that. Just make it easier to follow and you’ll be good.
Should be “hadn’t been” instead
As always, beautiful job!
Can’t wait for chapter six!
i have edited...again. so readers, new and old, enjoy.
Adam I'm liking him a little more in this chapter. He isn't as persistant..just attracted to her. Oof...im excited to see what happens between them
Elizabeth Her character is ver well written...there's seriously no flaws that i can really see. haha sorry if that isnt helpful.
Adelicia Interesting name. Something about her makes me want to think shes kind of spunky and like the cooler little sister...yaa kno? If im wrong..well i'll figure it out later. I dont really get why Elizabeth is a little annoyed with her, she seems nice? like friend/aquantence nice. maybe?
Landon Well, I know nothing yet....eerie guy maybe? I dunno.
I'm not really seeing a plot yet...but thats because its only the second chapter....soo there will be no plot review for you...haha
Well, on I read.
Usually as soon as it becomes apparent that there are people who aren't "human" in a story, I just close the book and look for another.
But not with this one.
I really like how Elizabeth is attracted to Adam, but doesn't want him to know anything about her.
Okay, I felt that the flow was very nice. Smooth and easy to follow
I did notice a few things, though:
I think I mentioned this before in your chapter one about combining two weak sentences together to make a strong one. Well, this same concept applies here. This last sentence makes the whole paragraph choppy. Try something like this to make it smoother: …instead of enjoying a good run, I was stuck on a motorbike, traveling at human pace until we reached the outer limits of the city. or something like that. And this goes for your whole piece. I mean, this is basically the only sentence that I noticed but I do that sometimes with my own writing. I go back and see if there are sentences that I could make stronger. Just remember that in the future.
This is from your MC’s point of view so this sentence is kind of off limits. Try something like: He must have realized… or I noticed that this bike ride was going to take awhile and he must have too… or something like that to show that your MC noticed this piece of info.
Okay, is she lying here?? Or telling the truth?? Because I remember you saying something like she ran. But if she is lying, you have to show that. But if she is telling the truth, I guess just leave it the same.
Capital “y” on “yes”
I think your dialogue is really great but to make it smoother use “I’m” instead of “I am.” It makes it more realistic.
Two things with this one.
1. Capital “w” on “why”
2. And the thing with “Woodcrest, I believe” makes it sound like she doesn’t know. She is like sixteen or something like that right?? If she is, then she has been going to school for awhile so she has to know the name of her school. Saying that would make it sound like she is new or something and would make Adam suspicious. I would try to make it sound a little less obvious to Adam, but make her sound uneasy, if that is what you are aiming for.
See, now here, she knows all about this kid but doesn’t know the name of her school? Need to be more consistent with stuff like that. Also, make hints earlier that she knows who he is. In the beginning at her house, it seemed that she had no idea who those kids were. But know, she knows him?? Give subtle hints earlier on so the reader doesn’t get confused.
Small “h” on “he”
Awkward in the beginning sentence here. Try: It was a two story Victorian style home with…
For the second one, I would use “had” instead of “was” in the beginning there.
“hadn’t been” instead of “wasn’t”
Three different sentences and three different problems.
Sentence # 1: “Old-house smell”?? What does that smell like? Describe that more. It isn’t enough just to say that.
Sentence # 2: “looked” instead of “look.
Sentence # 3: ?? Confusing. Needs a rewrite. I’m not sure what you are trying to say there…
Small “s” on “she”
“shrug” instead of “shurg”
“I’m” instead of “I am” thing.
Okay, done. Whew!
*wipes brow*
I know I am being super picky and sort of harsh (Sorry
Hopefully it helped!
There. I have edited again. I took some of the suggestion and I didn't. Please don't get offensive if i didn't use what you want me to. If you still find something wrong with it, let me know by pm me or leaving another comments. Maybe together we can smooth out the wrinkles of the story. I hope you enjoy the edited version.
NM
_________________________________
In general, it's pretty good but I think you need to work on your description a touch more. What does Adelicia look like or sound like? What does the house look like? You was doing pretty well when you described the gate and the length of the drive-way but what about the rest? What colour carpets are there, what colour wallpaper? Modern or traditional? Give the readers a few details to chew on.
Also, don't forget taste, touch and smell. What does the blood taste like? How does the air smell? Do the exhaust fumes from the bike make her gag? Or does she like that smell? What does the door feel like - wood, metal, plastic? Help your reader visualise this and set the atmosphere.
That can also be done by varying your sentences. Long, descriptive sentences are good in scenes where there's not too much action and you're still introducing the characters and surroundings but don't forget short sentences too, they're perfect for adding a little drama or emphasising a particular point.
I hope this helps a little,
Heather xx
hey i love this story and can't wait for more
your details are amazing and i can't wait to reveiw the next chapter
i couldn't find anythind wrong (i'm bad at this whole reveiw thing:smt009 )
bye
There. I have edited. I took some of the suggestion and I didn't. Please don't get offensive if i didn't use what you want me to. If you still find something wrong with it, let me know by pm me or leaving another comments. Maybe together we can smooth out the wrinkles of the story. I hope you enjoy the edited version.
NM
Hi it's Merry again. I read ch.2 and it was like "Whoa...I had a really good feeling" reading this.
Okay when she talked about her sisters, is Adelicia one of them? The paramore t-shirt was a cute touch and so was the ipod. {don't own one but a zune instead.}
It was scary how much she knew about Adam Hart but I guess she does have those non-human abilities after all.
Now is Adam from the preface? Knowing that he's human and Elizabeth is not.
When I read about Aidan he reminds me of Gabriel off of "Blood and chocolate". Just a little bit.
Otherwise I'm off to read ch.3...
-Merry
~Great job! And keep writing this one...I really like it.~
Really enjoying this story & it's getting more like a page-turner as you go on!!
I've got a few pointers for you in this document & I hope it will help you out & can you please PM me when you submit the following piece??
Lucyy xx
Thanks you guys for reading my story.
Good!
But I must say, the first thing that caught my attention was your tenses. You need to pick one and stick to it. You went back and forth between present and past tenses. You need to keep consistent with that. Now, on with the review!
Need to add “ed”’s to all of your verbs. It sounds funny right now. It’s as if she is talking about her life in present tense, which is kind of odd.
“seem” instead of “seems”
You are missing the word “when” in here. It should be in-between “stopped” and “we”
Either cut out “was” or leave it as “It” I advise you take the first option, but that’s just me
“pull” instead of “put”
Well, other than that, everything was good. It was nice and slow and the flow was good. Also, I’m guessing the “blood-wine” is actually blood right?? If it is, that’s a really creative idea! I like it a lot!
PM me when you post the third chapter!
I loved it! Its was such a great story. I am enjoying it more and more as the story progresses. Your characters are interesting and they are ready to keep on blooming!
Your plot line as well is interesting and I am looking forward to seeing where you take it.
The only mistake I saw has already been pointed out and that would be to decide on past or present tenses. Other then that...
I loved it! Keep going with your writing, I can't wait to find out what happens!
Thanks for PMing me!
This is a good story so far. You really need to continue it because it's awesome even with a lot of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. I'd recommend going back and definitely checking the spelling/ grammmar in all of them, because it would be an amazing story if you just fixed up the spelling and grammar. Also, I noticed that the story is split between past and present tenses, like you can't make up your mind on which sounds better. You should definitely fix that and stick to one of them. I'd probably stick to past tense because you seem to use it the most and it's rather easier to do than present tense.
Right now I give this story an 8/ 10. It can change if you fix those few errors. This is a great piece, though and I love it! PM me when it's fixed! 0(o.o)0
Bunnie_i_am:
I'm glad you find my story enjoy. I'm sorry about the tied-up tummy. I am working on the next chapter as we speak.
I will PM you when i have the next chapter posted.
Oh my gosh! That was amazing! Please write more! My tummy is all tied up from reading such a great story! PM me when you get more please!!!
Abocreature
No problem on PMing you. In fact, if you want me to, I will PM you whenever i post a new chapter.
thanks again.
This chapter was better, I'm starting to enjoy this story more and more. ^^
Thank you for PMing me, I really like reading this. ^^
I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the good work! ^^
I'm not very good at critiquing, so, yea... this is all I got... sorry...
The details in this story are so magnificent. You really have innerthinking going for you too, plus I see alot of really well put together diolouge. I find both charaters really well put together and sophisticated in a way, they aren't really humorous, there more of the
type, and i really find myself intrested in those charaters because it's hard to find. I can see character development is going to go really well, because i can see you know where your heading with this story, good job!